Spring Game: 2013
Today, we talkin’ about practice.
Hope springs eternal. And nowhere more than Memorial Stadium on a balmy April afternoon. The Spring Game offers us the rare opportunity to pretend we care about the third string free safety. But it’s something more than that. It’s also the opportunity to tell my girlfriend, “You said I could drink in the mornings if it’s for a football game.” Well I can and I will because I am a free American.
I still don’t know if I’ll go to the game. Like most things, it always seems like a good idea until about 15 minutes in. But I’m excited to see Tommy Armstrong actually play football, and to watch Imani Cross run through a 4th string walk-on linebacker like he’s not even there. Imani Cross is tremendous.
Anyway, after this I’m off until fall camp. Have a kick ass summer. And if you miss me, follow TWOS on Twitter in the meantime. Also, in case you missed my interview with Corn Nation, you can check out part 1 and part 2. That’ll hold us til August, right? Oh God. I hate the offseason so hard.
I Did An Interview for a Thing
Hey! Have you ever wanted to find out more about Tunnel Walk of Shame? What goes into it? How it started? Probably not. But regardless, I did an interview with Brandon Cavanaugh for the nice folks at Corn Nation. Here’s part one, for your reading pleasure.
UPDATE: here’s part two.
Signing Day: 2013
I must be some kind of damn degenerate to write a comic about National Signing Day. But here we are, with pictures of Bo and way more Ross Els then there should be, ever.
This year’s class is creating a lot of buzz. We’ve got THE Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment, the person who may have murdered Kurt Cobain, and oh yeah, Taylor Martinez’s little brother. It’s gonna be a great four years.
In case you missed me, I’ll remind you that TWOS is live on Twitter, every day. But now, for the main event…
Game Week: The Capitol One Bowl
Have you ever seen American History X? Great movie. I watch it every time it’s on. Except for that fucking curb-stomping scene. I hide in my hands like a little bitch when that scene is on. And that’s the only thing that’s ever caused that reaction in me… until the Big Ten Title Game. I have no fucking idea what that was. Bret Bielema pulled a Frank the Tank before the game, temporarily blacking out and coaching the game of his life before springing back to life and not knowing how he did it. THAT’S HOW YOU BEAT NEBRASKA.
The wounds have mostly healed. Though the scar tissue from that loss leaves me ready to turn away from any curb stomping that might be coming our way against Georgia. Have you seen Georgia? Holy shit. They are fast and good at sports and will probably do all of our girlfriends.
Regardless, it wouldn’t be a game week without a return to the Tunnel Walk of Shame. In our final installment (until the Spring Game probably), we follow the gang to Disney World, as they try to harness the Magic of the Kingdom to help heal their wounds.
Like I said, it’s our last comic for a little bit. But you can follow me on Twitter for more TWOS action throughout basketball and baseball season. Until then, look at this fucking picture of Bo Pelini and Taylor Martinez (and the dozens that follow it with poorly written captions slapped on them).
Hey PS. I made wrote a shitty sappy note to you all at the end of the last comic to tell you I really appreciated your readership and comments over the course of the past year. So here’s another in case you missed it. This Tunnel Walk of Shame thing has been fun as shit for me. And judging by the variety of internet high-fives you all dish out to me via Twitter and elsewhere, you’ve enjoyed it, too. If you didn’t, I’d stop doing it. So thanks for all the nice comments and picture submissions and whatever else. I’m going to miss doing this every week, until next year. When I will be back in full force, just like T-Magic.
YOLO Fuck Wads,
Game Week: The Big Ten Championship
I like to think that, at least a couple times during the Iowa game, Taylor Martinez walked up to a coach and said, “Man this wind really blows!” and then almost pissed himself laughing. That’s what I’d do. I’ll bet John Papuchis almost punched him in the face. That game did blow though. At least until the second half, when Clark Kent finally emerged from the phone booth to bitch slap our obnoxious and horrible neighbor to the east. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… a sustainable running game!
And now, it’s off to Indy. A rematch with the 6-6 Wisconsin Badgers. This week in the Tunnel, we review the Hawkeye game, preview Wisconsin, celebrate some hard-earned post-season accolades and get a visit from the horrible Urban Meyer. Don’t you just hate Urban Meyer? God. I wouldn’t kick many gentlemen square in the dick but he is right there in contention.
[EDIT: I’ve been corrected. Wisconsin is 7-5. Still completely full of cheese and bullshit and unearned arrogance. But 7-5, not 6-6]
As usual, make sure you follow TWOS on Twitter. I’m gonna take a few weeks off from comic-writing and do one more before the bowl game, but I’ll stay as active as I can on Twitter. As is fitting, this week’s comic leads off with my spirit animal, Eric Martin. Enjoy…
PS: As this is my last entry for a little while, I just wanted to take this moment of sincerity (don’t worry I saved it until after the comic) and say a heartfelt “Thank You” to everyone who reads this ridiculous, dumb-ass blog. It’s a fun little side project for me, but your comments and jokes and everything make it something I really look forward to. I sincerely appreciate that, and all the kind words on Twitter, Reddit, etc. Thanks for reading, Fuck Wads.
Game Week: Iowa (2012) + Thanksgiving
Happy Wednesday from Tunnel Walk of Shame! I’m posting this week’s comic a few days early because it’s Thanksgiving week and I will be entirely too stuffed/hung over to write anything worthwhile after tomorrow afternoon (not that anything I’ve written before should be considered “worthwhile”). In fact, I plan to have my fat ass forklifted in front of the TV for Friday’s game, and will have relatives poking me with a stick in case we score so that I can grunt out a cheer from between my temporary multiple chins before slowly drifting into what is medically considered a “coma.”
If you love flowery writing like that last sentence, be sure to follow TWOS on Twitter.
But before that, we have a lot to be thankful for. Specifically, Dr. Tom. Last week’s stirring tribute at Memorial Stadium reminded us that there’s nothing funnier than an old man running. The elbows, the fear. It’s beautiful. Bless you, Tom. That’s what I’m truly thankful for. And in that spirit of thankfulness, I’ve gathered all your favorite Tunnel Walk of Shame characters around the table of brotherhood, sisterhood and gingerhood for this week’s comic. Enjoy.
PS: The last slide is a paraphrasing of the greatest T-Magic quote of all time.